Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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