You made me cry and you don't even care
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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