U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
