I wanna passion pit in your ass
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize