Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
