So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
