I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
