**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
