How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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