Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
