Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize