i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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