Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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