We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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