i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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