Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
