she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
