id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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