I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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