She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
