when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
