I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize