No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
