glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize