You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
