you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
