She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's paint friendship bongs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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