Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
