If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
