just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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