I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
