did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
