He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
