Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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