Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
