I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
