hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
