So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
