Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize