Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He keeps bees of course he's weird
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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