You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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