you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
