this beer tastes like vomit already
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
