She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
