see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh god it's open bar.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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