just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
