i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
