So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
