i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
