Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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