I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
