he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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