Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
