Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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