whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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