If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
