we have pet lesbian snakes
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
