What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
