I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
