You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
