dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize