My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
