I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
