dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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