Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
