My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
