They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
