I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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