porn star boner night. come get it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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