he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
